Intimidation

             Have you ever heard a man say, “When I first met you I was intimidated by you?” Or to find out that a guy won’t even approach you because you’re “not approachable” and you’re “intimidating”? Many a girl has heard this or something like it. The feeling it creates in a woman is to wonder what is wrong with them and/or what makes them so scary. So, Darlene and I were curious to know what men of different backgrounds and ages had to say about this “oh-so-common” statement. Their responses blew us away.            

                         We were surprised to see that a lot of these men had very similar responses. Again, these guys are not all in the same age group and not all of them are believers. Yet, one of the common responses we found was that they believed that the woman they were intimated by was more “put together” then they were. They felt that they were limited as a man to be able to approach them with confidence. One guy wrote, “the mystery of why men ‘feel intimidated’ by women comes down to one thing: identity crisis.” He goes on to explain, “Most men lack identity because they lacked the affirmation and identity from a paternal figure in their life. So, when most men feel intimidated by women for their looks, financial independence, personality, and/or successes, what he is really saying (subliminally) is, ‘I don't know who I am. What can I offer this woman who seems to have it more together than I do?’" (Age 27, Apple Valley). Another guy coincided to this response and said, “It's a self defense mechanism” (Age 33, Costa Mesa). This fella explains that there are two major factors that makes a guy go into self-defense mode. One of them is “the fear of rejection” and the second is “fear of being overpowered” whether it is physically, mentally, spiritually, or the like.  One guy opened up and shared, “Maybe the guy doesn't feel he's attractive enough to be with a beautiful girl” (Age 24, Los Angeles).

            Similarly, we find that it’s not just about the guy’s self-esteem. It could just as well be that the woman is truly intimidating. We don’t take that off the list because it’s completely true. Some women give off a very demeaning vibe, even to the same sex. One male wrote, “She may be an intimidating alpha female and probably intimidates other women as well” (Age 33, Spring, TX). Or it could also be part of perspective because if one is continually highly esteeming others then it can affect their view of themselves. In which case one guy wrote why he doesn’t feel intimidated by women is because he doesn’t “hold any human above any other” (Age 27, Portland Oregon).

            I have heard many people say, “everyone has a story” and I have found that to be very true. Every single person we come in contact with has a background, a story, and a life experience. That is also what one person wrote, it was probably “very bad past experiences” (Age 27, Costa Mesa). Maybe the pain of the past limits his ability to approach someone new.              

          Lastly, I want to touch this last subject before we conclude this blog. We’ve heard mainly the older men say this; “you need to man up and confront the girl” (Age 55, Santa Ana). If a man is afraid of confronting a girl because she’s “better than him” then his ability to fight for something as serious as marriage will be very limited. Why? Because if he lacks confidence in confronting a girl then he will lack the drive to fight when times get tough in marriage. Marriage isn’t easy and it can most definitely be scary; confronting a girl isn’t the scary part. The worse that can happen to you when confronting a girl is for her to say “no” to you.

            In conclusion, I think us girl’s need to chillax a bit and try to smile more but at the same time try not to take things so personally. It could most likely be that a guy is struggling with his own issues and it has nothing to do with you. At the end of the day we’re probably not scary after all.

P.s. A special thanks to all the guys who shared and were willing to be a part of this blog!

 By Darlene & Karol